Tanque's Stupid Ramblings

How a snowplow in my yard unified my neighborhood

My wife and I went for a walk to stave off the impending cabin fever.  Snow had us trapped in our house for 4 days this week, and this coming storm was sure to keep us inside for at least another 2.  The snow had just started coming down in large flakes, coating everything with a fresh layer of white frosting.  These storms could cause major stress, but a nice walk down our country road could remind us of the peaceful beauty of the snow.  That is, until we saw a plow spinning its wheels in our front yard.

As we approached, the driver got out, kicked the tires, and said a few expletives.  I recognized the man as our neighbor.  I had only met him two days before, as he had taken up a collection to get the road plowed from the previous storm.  The first thing we asked was where he got the plow, and he said he borrowed it from work.  He lit a cigarette and stared nervously.

It wasn’t long until the trucks started arriving.  Someone showed up in a gray pickup truck, and tied a rope to the front of the plow.  Our neighbor got back in the plow.  Both trucks hit the gas, but went nowhere.  They both got out of their trucks, assessed the situation, and simply said, “Let’s try that again.”  This time the lead truck backed up to get more momentum.  He floored it, dragging the plow through our front yard, across one of our bushes, and straight for an oak tree.

Luckily the plow got stuck again about a foot before it could hit the tree.  By now there were 3 more trucks waiting to be the hero, and a small audience of about 10 people.  Since the plow could no longer move forward, the next truck in line would be designated to pull it backward.  The rope was tied to the back of the plow, and the plow was yanked backward to the edge of my yard, but straight for the forest.  The plow came to a rest on top of a small tree, only inches away from a large pine tree.

The plow driver hopped out again, and immediately lit another cigarette.  “My boss is going to kill me,” he said, inspecting the back bumper of the plow.  Then he stood up and assessed the situation.  He turned to me.  “I’m really sorry about your yard, man,” he said.  “I’ll re-sod it this summer.  Seriously, I’ll go get some grass seed and plant it…”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said.  “My yard is a mess anyway.  Let’s just get you out of here.”

I started shoveling in front of the plow, thinking we could probably just pull it out now.  But the pickup truck drivers wanted nothing to do with my little shovel.  Brute force and trucks tugging on each other would be the only way to solve this problem.  Still heading uphill, the truck kept yanking harder and harder on the plow.  It would back up, then yank again at full speed.  This happened a few times until we heard something snap.  The lead truck ended up in the ditch.  Four of the onlookers and I were able to successfully push it out.

By now there were at least 8 trucks on the road, each ready to yank this plow out of our yard.  There were also 2 utility trucks that were out fixing the powerlines, several cars that just wanted to get past, and an ATV full of teenage boys.  The crowd has swollen to about 30 people, which was more than lived on our road.  Where did all these people come from? 

It was apparent that some rearranging would need to be done with all the vehicles on the road.  So, the vehicles all backed up, turned around, or pulled into someone’s driveway allowing everyone to get wherever they needed to be, then reconvening around the stuck plow.  When the vehicles were all rearranged, somehow the one left closest to the plow was a yellow pickup with monster wheels.  I had no idea where this truck came from.  If it belonged to someone on our street, surely I would have seen before.  But we all knew if there was a truck to pull out the plow, it would be this one.

The onlookers all gave advice:  “Try pulling down the hill, not up.”  “Move the plow to the other side of the truck.”  “Use the rope to slingshot yourself back onto the road.”  That last one, the thought of someone being “slingshotted” off our yard, sent a shiver down my spine.

The snow was coming down hard, all under the headlights of about 8 pickup trucks.  I went out with my little shovel, getting as much snow as I could out of the way of the plow’s tires.  But when the monster truck started revving its engine, I ran.  I didn’t know what would happen, but I needed to be at a distance.

The monster truck dug in, and the plow spun its wheels.  Someone held the little tree back, away from the plow.  It was moving, right along my shoveled path.  Everyone held their breath.  The monster truck kept pulling at the icy ground below, straight toward the convoy of pickup trucks.  He was running out of room.  The plow inched up toward the road, then slid back toward the yard, then back toward the road.  Everyone watched in anticipation.

Then, with very little room left to maneuver, the plow got one wheel back onto the road, then another, and then the 2 back wheels.  The audience applauded.  Our neighbor hopped out of his plow with a look of relief.  He went around and shook everyone’s hand.  “Thanks for your help.  Thank you so much.  Sorry about your yard.”

And then, as quickly as everyone had appeared, they all dissipated into the night.  Within minutes, the snow was falling back down onto an empty street, an empty yard, and filling the tire ruts that had been made only minutes ago.

I went back inside, feeling a small sense of accomplishment.  For the first time, I felt like a part of the neighborhood.  I always wondered what my neighbors, with their monster pickups, thought of me and my little economy car.  And while it was the monster truck that rescued the plow, I would like to think that my small shovel sensibility at least helped.  The plow-in-the-yard incident had unified the street.  And with that one night, I met more of my neighbors than I had a full year of living in my neighborhood.

10 Predictions for 2010

1. The winter olympics will be marred by a major steroids scandal involving the Canadian curling team.
2. Someone will moon the Pope in an attempt to get their own reality tv show.
3. The majority of Americans will pretend they know something about soccer for about a month.
4. Dick Cheney will attempt to grow a beard.
5. Apple will come out with the scratch-and-sniff ipod.
6. Barrack Obama will win the Heisman, a Golden Globe, and the 4H blueberry pie bake-off, all because has potential.
7. Sarah Palin will come out with her own perfume: Eau de Orignaux Morts.
8. Lost will end, but John Locke will get his own spin-off where he is a single dad with five daughters and a wacky neighbor.
9. Joe Biden will say something stupid.
10. Florence Henderson sex tape.

Favorite films of the ’00s

Certainly not the best movies of the decade.  But they are my favorites: 

11. Walking With Freedom (only because I have a cameo)

10. Idiocracy

9. Persepolis

8. The American Astronaut

7. Little Miss Sunshine

6. Ghost World

5. Requiem for a Dream

4. Up

3. The Station Agent

2. Waking Life

1. Memento